Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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