So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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