Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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