He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
