I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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