She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
