I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
