I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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