Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
