is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
