youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
