I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
