THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
