I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
