I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
