im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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