I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ketchup is God's man juice
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
