Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
