i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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