Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
