can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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