i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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