I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
