Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
