Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
