so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
