wrigley field is MILF paradise
If that was your dad, he is hot
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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