Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize