Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
