im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
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