If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have surprise drugs for everyone
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
