dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
