from now on my penis is your penis
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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