You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
