I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
