I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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