where does the pee come out of this thing
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
