Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
