I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
