I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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