Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
