In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
