how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
