It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
