I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize