so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
