dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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