Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
