I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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