i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
