the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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