Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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