We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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