Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
