I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
