New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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