I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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