This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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