Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
