I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
